Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
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I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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