is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
