Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
