The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
