There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
