so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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