My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
