i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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