I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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