You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize