someone threw a dead crab at me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
