you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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