he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
