i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
