Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
