Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
