And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
