Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
