we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
