JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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