She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
