he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
