I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
