I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
