Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
