also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
