I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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