I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
