walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
