She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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