When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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