It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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