it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
