You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
