im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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