It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
