I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
