i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
