I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
