I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Don't EVER smell your tampon
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
