Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
