3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
