I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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