Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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