Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
