I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
