Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
did you just send me my own nude
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
