I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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