he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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