the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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