i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
