I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
