New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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