I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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