he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
