I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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