On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
