all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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