Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize