I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize