so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
