He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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