You can't motorboat a personality
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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