so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
