I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize